True friends
by Jared
Summary: Surrounded by friends, yet always alone, Nokoru has to learn to forget and seek deep within to find his true friends.


True Friends  
Jared  
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Disclaimer:  
The below mentioned characters belong to CLAMP and are borrowed for entertainment purposes only.  
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"Here." he offered his handkerchief.  
  
Nokoru looked up, surprised. People seldom realised that he needed help. To them, he was Imonoyama Nokoru, the one who possessed the brain that NASA wanted, the cheerful friend of the world, the one person without a care in the world. However, his training enabled to keep his true feelings masked.   
  
"Excuse me?" he asked politely, unsure how to react. Nokoru silently reminded himself, inwardly resisting the urge to cry in front of the boy.  
  
"Take it." The boy pushed the handkerchief into his hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"   
  
Nokoru gave him a strange look. Then, giving himself a little shake, he gave a little practiced laugh, as though in amusement. "I'm ok. Really. Though I've got to admit, you've got a pretty nice handkerchief there."  
  
"Nokoru…Why do you laugh when you really are crying inside? It's ok to let your feelings go. Don't keep it inside."  
  
"I believe I do not know you." Nokoru said formally, feeling terribly afraid, trying to distant himself from the one who seemed to read him like a book, picking up on his innermost feelings with amazing accuracy.  
  
"You don't need to get all defensive Nokoru." the boy said with a smile. "Call me John."  
  
  
  
The boy smiled. That was the beginning. The beginning of the end.  
****  
"Kaichou, what's wrong? You've been distracted all day." Suoh asked, concerned.  
  
"It's nothing." Nokoru replied, giving Suoh a shadow of his usually effortless bright smile. "Don't worry."  
  
Suoh scrutinised Nokoru. I know something's bothering you Kaichou. Why won't you let me know? Suoh opened his mouth, as though to press the matter, when he was interrupted by Akira's presence.  
  
"Sorry for making you wait so long." Akira apologised. "Here Kaichou." he said, pouring a cup of Nokoru's favourite tea for him.  
  
Nokoru seemed not to notice. He sat at his desk, staring into space, his cheerful face overcome with sadness.  
  
"Kaichou? What's wrong?" Akira asked, puzzled.  
  
"Huh? Oh, tea. It's delicious Akira." Nokoru let the glib phrase fall from his tongue, clearly distracted.  
  
Suoh and Akira glanced at one another.   
******  
Nokoru stood with his back to the desk, gazing out of the window into the dark night sky. Tears trailed down the curves of his face, landing on the carpet below his feet with a plop. Suddenly, Nokoru realised what he had to do. I can't let this happen to them…Not again…Not because of me…  
  
Tears ran down the curves of his face as Nokoru tried to convince himself that his decision was for the best.  
******  
Later that night, the suppressed memories came flooding back into the mind of its host, who desperately tried to push it back to the cavern where it belonged. The cavern of the past.  
******  
"Come on Nokoru. Hurry. It's beautiful. You just gotta see this." John urged.   
  
Nokoru heaved himself up onto the narrow ledge of rock that John stood on, his heart filled with joy. I never imagined what it was like to have a friend…a friend who really understands…and accepts me for who I am. Rijichou is wrong. Having a friend is wonderful! Why did she say it was dangerous? Nokoru shook his head to clear his mind, enjoying the peace, the serenity, the sheer ecstasy of being in the company of a friend.  
****  
"Kaichou, watch out!" Suoh shouted, grabbing him by the elbow and steering him out of harm's way.   
  
"Thanks Suoh." Nokoru said, flashing his ninja a smile.  
  
Suoh questioned, his mind in a whirl. Suoh felt confused. More confused than he had ever felt. A part of him felt that Nokoru was in need of help, sending out distress signals, pleading silently Suoh to ask and let him talk about it. Yet another part of him was rejecting all help…almost as if…as if he were trying to…protect Suoh, as though knowing about his trouble would burden him. Clearly, though, the strain was too much for Nokoru to bear. I just wish he would tell me about it…and yet…do I really want to know?Suoh was confused. he prayed silently.   
****  
Nokoru knew something was wrong. He felt himself torn apart by the desire to just talk to Suoh. He knew that everything would turn out right then. Nokoru was no less confused than Suoh. he thought.   
****  
"Nokoru, I'm sorry…"  
  
"No, don't leave, please, don't…Not now, not ever…Not because of me…" Guilt welled up like a spring. "It's all my fault…please, John, please, just hang in there…"  
  
"Re…remember…friends…for…forever" John croaked. He dropped off.  
  
"No…John…John…John…please…Wake up…please…please…"  
****  
Nokoru opened his eyes, startled. Nokoru sobbed.  
  
  
  
"John, is that you? Where…where are you? Come out, please…"Nokoru begged. "Please John, let me see you. There's so much I want to tell you. I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me…"  
  
John's voice held pain.  
  
"I never meant to. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I never meant to cause you so much pain. I never meant for you to have to suffer because of me." Nokoru's own voice was laced with guilt.  
  
  
  
"Us?" Nokoru questioned.  
  
  
  
"But…But I killed you." Nokoru wept. "You died because of me. You died because you tried to protect me. What if the same happens to Suoh, or Akira?"  
  
  
  
"But it's all my fault. I should have just left with them. I should just have given them what they wanted. You wouldn't have died." Nokoru finally voiced the heavy burden that he had been laden with all those years. "It's my fault." he said as slow, shameful tears rolled down his cheeks.   
  
  
  
"John, I…I…" Nokoru was at a loss for words.  
  
  
  
"Friends till the end." Nokoru echoed, a smile playing on his face. Somehow, he was suddenly reminded of his friend's cheery smile. "Friends forever."  
****  
"Suoh, Akira, there's something I've got to tell you, and ask you." Nokoru announced the following day.  
  
He took a deep breath, and began telling them of his friendship with John, the joys, the sorrows, the guilt…He poured everything out, feeling his heart lighten as the heaviest burden rolled away from his heart, the secret that he had tried to repress for so long finally exposed. John was not something he was ashamed of. He was his delight, his joy, his friend. His friend who was his pride, not burden, not his shame. I understand now John. Thank you so much. he said silently.   
  
  
  
He ended the story, leaving out the private conversation that he had shared with John the previous night. He looked up and saw understanding dawn on Suoh's face, sympathy on Akira's. "What about you?" he questioned. "Would you…would you dare to remain my friend's after knowing my past, knowing that I might cause your deaths and the deaths of those around you?" Nokoru asked. It pained him to hear the answer. he asked. I guess it's for the best. He steeled himself for the rejection he felt sure would come.  
****  
Suoh felt a surge of joy as he realised that his chosen one had not rejected him. Rather, he had done what he could to protect him because he cared for him, and was afraid that he would hurt him, that he would somehow cause his death, the way he believed he had caused John's. Suoh felt happier than he had ever been.   
****  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Suoh asked. "Why didn't you trust me? Why did you have to keep it to yourself?"  
  
Nokoru hung his head. " I…I…I was afraid." he confessed. He waited for the answer he dreaded.   
  
John chided.  
  
"Kaichou…" Suoh hesitated. "I know the dangers that surround you. I know of your worries. I know you fear for me. But I have chosen you. There will be no other. You, who I have decided to follow, you, the one who cares for me, a Takamura, who needs no kindness from his One. Yet you have changed my life, and without you, I cannot begin to think of how I will live. I will never leave. In life, in death, I will be by your side. This I pledge with my life."  
  
"As will I." Akira piped. "Kaichou, you are the only Kaichou I will ever have. I will never leave. That I promise. Now, how about some cake? I baked one today."   
  
"That sounds great Akira." Nokoru said enthusiastically. 


End file.
